How Wesker Stole Christmas
by IKilledMisa
Summary: A little Christmas present for all you Resident Evil/Wesker fans out there. One-shot where Wesker, well the title should explain it all.


_This is my little Christmas present to everybody who has been supportive of my writing and reviewed my stories. You don't need to tell me that this isn't my best work I didn't really try (I've never been good with poetry) but please enjoy it anyway and MERRY CHRISTMAS!_

* * *

Every person in Raccoon City liked Christmas a lot but Wesker who lived just North of Raccoon did not!

Wesker hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!  
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.  
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.  
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.  
But I think that the most likely reason of all  
May have been genetic engineering & viral experimentation left his heart two sizes too small.

But,  
whatever the reason,  
His heart or his shoes,  
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating Racoon,  
Staring down from his cave with a sour, wicked frown  
at the warm lighted windows below in the town.  
For he knew everybody down in Raccoon City beneath  
was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.

"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.  
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"  
Then he growled, with his fingers nervously drumming,  
"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"  
For, tomorrow, he knew...

...All the girls and boys  
would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!  
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!  
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the inferior humans, young and old, would sit down to a feast.  
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!  
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!  
They would start on pudding, and rare roast-beast  
which was something Wesker couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN  
they'd do something he liked least of all!  
Every body down in Raccoon City, the tall and the small,  
would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.  
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And they would start singing!

They'd sing! And they'd sing!  
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!  
And the more Wesker thought of the Raccoon-Christmas-Sing  
the more Wesker thought, "I must stop this whole thing!  
"Why for forty-nine years I've put up with it now!  
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!  
...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!  
An awful idea!  
WESKER  
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" Wesker Laughed in his throat.  
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.  
And he chuckled, and clucked at his wicked old trick,  
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"

"All I need is a reindeer..."  
Wesker looked around.  
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.  
Did that stop old Wesker...?  
No! Wesker simply said,  
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"  
So he called his Cerberus, Max. Then he took some red thread  
And he tied a big horn on top of his head.

He loaded some bags  
And some old empty sacks  
On a ramshackle sleigh  
And he hitched up decaying Max.

Then Wesker said, "Giddyap!"  
And the sleigh started down  
Toward the homes where everybody  
Lay a-snooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.  
All the people were dreaming sweet dreams without care  
When he came to the first house in the square.  
"This is stop number one," The old Wesker Claus hissed  
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.  
But if Santa could do it, then for Wesker it'd be a cinch  
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.  
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue  
Where the little stockings all hung in a row.  
"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,  
Around the whole room, and he took every present!  
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!  
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!  
And he stuffed them in bags. Then Wesker, very nimbly,  
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the whole feast!  
He took the pudding! He took the roast beast!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.  
"And NOW!" grinned Wesker, "I will stuff up the tree!"

And Wesker grabbed the tree, and he started to shove  
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.  
He turned around fast, and he saw a small girl!  
Little Pearl-Lou, who was not more than two.

Wesker had been caught by this little daughter  
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.  
She stared at Wesker and said, "Santy Claus, why,  
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"

But, you know, Wesker was so smart and so slick  
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!  
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,  
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.  
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.  
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head  
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.  
And when Little Pearl-Lou went to bed with her cup,  
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!

Then the last thing he took  
Was the log for their fire.  
Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.  
On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.

And the one speck of food  
That he left in the house  
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

Then  
He did the same thing  
To the other peoples houses

Leaving crumbs  
Much too small  
For their mouses!

It was quarter past dawn...  
When he packed up his sled,  
Everybody still asleep, snuggled up in their bed  
Packed up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!  
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Crumpit,  
He rode to the tiptop to dump it!  
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!  
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!  
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two  
"The all the people down in Raccoon City will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned Wesker,  
"That I simply must hear!"  
So he paused. And Wesker put a hand to his ear.  
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.  
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!  
Why, this sound sounded merry!  
It couldn't be so!  
But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Raccoon!  
Wesker popped his eyes!  
Then he shook!  
What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Everybody down in Raccoon City, the tall and the small,  
Were singing! Without any presents at all!  
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!  
IT CAME!  
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And Wesker, with his feet ice-cold in the snow,  
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?  
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!  
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"  
And he puzzled and puzzled, `till his puzzler was sore.  
Then Wesker thought of something he hadn't before!  
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.  
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?  
Well in Raccoon they say that Wesker's insanity took over that day

Well, clever old Wesker returned to his cave  
Where he took a missile with the T-Virus encased  
He loaded his launcher, Raccoon was to be erased.

Wesker laughed at Raccoon as they continued to sing.  
"Very soon" he said. "I will destroy these imperfect things"  
"Merry Christmas to all" Wesker said  
As the missile exploded raising the dead

And so ends our tale as Raccoon's inhabitants lie deceased  
Wesker, yes he, Wesker himself carved the roast-beast.


End file.
